31st December 2014

I'm back! I really need to try something to help me with my weight at the moment. Over the last 12 months or so I have been really unhappy with myself and how I look.
Something I promised myself way back then was to never let my weight get above 57 kilos again, but for the last couple of years I have constantly been losing and gaining the same couple of kilos over and over... 12 months ago I was struggling to stay under 58 kilos but the last couple of months I've struggled to get back under 60 kgs. Today I am over 63 kilos :( I hate looking at myself in the mirror at the moment :( My clothes are all tight and I have a pot.
I am very active and spend a lot of time at the gym and have done so now for 3 1/2 years. That would account for some of the weight as I probably have a lot more muscle than I did when I weighed 56 kilos but 63 kilos is ridiculous, I think I'm actually considered overweight again.  My biggest trouble is that I self sabotage myself and binge eat.... I have no idea why but I do.
I do have a strong feeling that my weight gain is partly due to the medication I've been on since July this year. I'm on mertazapan for my mood swings and anxiety. I don't have uncontrollable outbursts at the kids like I used to so the drugs are helping but I don't want to be fat.
One thing on my side and which will hopefully help me lose weight over the next month or so and help me stay motivated and not binge on crap is that I have my brothers wedding on the 14th February and I need to fit into one of my dresses. I have 6 weeks to lose as much weight as I can.
I wonder if it's possible for me to lose 6 kilos in 6 weeks... Actually, make that 5 weeks.... We are going away for a week and I doubt I'll lose weight while away :(
I doubt anyone is reading this but if anyone is I apologise for the rambling. I just thought if I got back in here and diarised my thoughts it might help me.